


Why The Duck Are You In My Room?

by Sisila_galad



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Drabble, Ducks, Gen, Slice of Life, Sorikai only in that all of my stories are sorikai, lots of ducks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sisila_galad/pseuds/Sisila_galad
Summary: Vanitas really hates everyone, he swears. All he wants to do is take a nap, but these stupid people with their stupid ducks need his help. He hates them all and he'll hate every minute of it. (Except, we all know he's lying.)
Relationships: Kairi/Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Why The Duck Are You In My Room?

“Why the fuck… are there ducks in my room?” Rage radiated off of Vanitas as he took in the scene before him.

Five little ducklings surrounded Sora, who sat on the ground, anxiously wringing his hands together. Kairi furrowed her brow as she laid on Vanitas’ bed, a book about ducks open in her lap. Riku was sitting at their desk with his head in his hands. It took Vanitas a moment to find the duckling in Ventus’ hair, but when he did he groaned in disgust. Ventus was the only one who seemed to be enjoying the moment, feeding the duckling some corn from his hand. 

“Vanitas, it’s terrible! I was just walking around the pond and then suddenly I had these ducks following me! At first it was cute, but they won’t leave and Kairi says that most ducks have twelve ducklings, which means that these guys are separated from their family!” Sora was a pitiful sight, with a duckling in both hands and three in his lap, he was also definitely tearing up over the stupid ducks, what the  _ fuck. _

“Sora, man, what the  _ fuck, _ ” Sora was lucky he had Vanitas’ good looks, otherwise the dolt would have no chance, “Why the fuck can’t you just shut the door on them or something? Why do they have to be in  _ my room. _ ”

“Technically, you two share a room.” Kairi said, looking over her book.

“Who the fuck asked you?”

Kairi just rolled her eyes, “We’re trying to figure out how to reunite the ducklings with their family, but it might be tricky since we haven’t seen the mother yet.”

“In theory, once the ducklings see their mom, they’ll follow her, since she looks like them. But with the way that duck is looking at Ven, who knows.” Riku added.

“What can I say? No one can resist my patented Ventus Charm.” Ventus did finger guns at a duckling, and Vanitas swore he saw it blush, what the  _ fuck. _

“Excuse me while I go barf.”

“Excuse me, you’re not going anywhere.” Kairi leveled him with a glare.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Well, it’s like you said, this  _ is _ your room. If you want it duck-free anytime soon, you better sit down and brainstorm with us. Otherwise, I hope you like eating duck feathers while you’re trying to sleep.” Kairi said.

“Man, for a Princess of Heart, you sure are evil. Xehanort should have tried to recruit you instead of half of those fucking losers.”

Kairi smiled, and a chill ran down Vanitas’ spine, “Oh, I’d have liked to see him try.”

Kairi was evil, Vanitas found out in the following days. Kairi was worse than Xehanort and all his hordes of darkness. Kairi was also incredibly persuasive, which is how Vanitas found himself sitting in a bush by the pond with all six ducklings in a box on his lap, Riku sat next to him with a pair of binoculars. Kairi had somehow wheedled herself out of the situation, claiming that she had to look after Ventus and Sora because of how emotionally connected they were to the ducks. Vanitas could smell the bullshit.

"Do you see the duck?" Vanitas asked. 

"No, not yet. She should be around here soon, Lea said he saw her earlier today." 

One thing Vanitas hadn't expected when he was blackmailed into helping these idiots and their damn ducks, was enjoying it. Don't get him wrong, it was awful, everyone was annoying, and he hoped he wouldn't have to look at another duck again for as long as he lived. But being around people who didn't loudly hate him was refreshing. Riku was surprisingly cool, and seemed to understand him better than most people. Sora and Ven were still awful, but Kairi was interesting and didn't treat him like "evil Sora". So, even though everything was awful, and he hated every minute of it, he'd miss their companionship when this was done.

“Wait, to your left, I see her!” Riku whispered. There was the momma duck, rounding the bend of the pond, followed by six other baby ducklings. 

“Okay, on the count of three,” The plan was to wait until the momma bird came close enough and gently tip the box so that the ducklings walked out, saw their mom and rejoined the group. Flawless plan. 

“Three--” Vanitas grabbed the edges of the box.

“Two--” Vanitas crouched into position, the momma duck was almost upon them.

“One!” He tipped the box and the ducks waddled out, the momma duck saw them and honked at them, rejoining them into their group. 

“Yes!” Vanitas punched the air.

“Good going, dude.” Riku slapped him on the back and smiled. 

One of the ducklings, the one Vanitas swore had blushed at Ventus the other day looked back at the two of them in the bush and winked.

“What the  _ fuck _ is with the ducks in this damn place.” Vanitas shook his head, smiling despite the migraine he could feel coming on after having to deal with a bunch of ducks for the better part of the morning.

“I don’t know, man, let’s pack up our stuff and go, those guys owe me an ice cream. You’re free to come too, y’know, you helped out, you deserve a reward.” Riku eyed Vanitas curiously, waiting to see what he’d do. 

Vanitas thought about rejecting the offer, he wasn’t friends with these people, and he sure as hell didn’t want to spend time with them. But ice cream did sound good, and maybe it would be nice to have something more to do than return to his room and nap.

“...Sure, whatever, I’ll come with you dweebs.”

Riku smirked, “Alright man, I’ll meet you at the clock tower in 15. I need to change, I smell like duck.”

Vanitas shrugged, “Whatever.”

They walked towards Yensid’s tower in silence for a moment before a thought stopped Vanitas in his tracks.

“Wait a minute… isn’t Donald a duck?”

“Yeah?”

“So then… How… Why? I mean he’s…” The gears in Vanitas’ brain weren’t cut out for this kind of logical failure.

Riku slapped his back again and laughed, “Man, I don’t know, the less you question The Mouse the better. Just wait until you meet Pluto, that’ll really fuck you up.”

  
“What the  _ fuck. _ ” Vanitas groaned, but smiled, feeling better than he had in a long, long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Vanitas, he really can't catch a break. I hope you liked it! This has been in my drafts for way too long. Technically none of my stories are connected, but they're basically all in the universe, so if you liked this go check out my other works! I'm on tumblr at pocketfullaflowers, if you want to follow me there. As always kudos and comments are much appreciated, have a great day!


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